Writing Samples

This article was originally published in The Doily Allergen , December 26, 2021. “Frankly, we didn’t have to change that much to put this deal in place,” said Cactus shift supervisor Jason Palberg. “Most of our customer base tempts fate on a regular basis anyway, and our restaurant isn’t what some would call “clean.” So we just slapped a poster on the door. We didn’t even need to specify what we were offering 50% off on, which got us out of a real hassle with HR. Since then o

“UI Assures Student Body They’re Doing Something To Resolve This” is a headline we’ve run several times. I came up with it after a scandal in Fall 2021 with unreported rapes at a fraternity on campus and the university only suspending the frat for a semester. This headline now runs anytime the student body gets an email addressing a sexual assault on campus. The idea is that over time, the criticism gets more and more poignant since it keeps happening and the university is st

This article was originally published in The Doily Allergen , December 2020. Most sane human beings would agree that 2020 has been an absolute dumpster fire of a year, with almost no respite from an onslaught of upsetting or life-altering events. The pandemic, the protests, the celebrity deaths. It’s enough to fill anyone with despair. And yet, in spite of it all, UI junior and apparently straight-up psychopath Will Novesky has been absolutely thriving. “I guess you could say

This article was originally published in The Doily Allergen , September 13 2020. Scientists studying climate change around the globe called off their research earlier this week, having determined that the sole cause of rising temperatures had just been gender reveal parties all along. The University of Iowa’s head climate researcher, Dr. Dennis Larraby, held a press conference Sunday, pointing out that every major weather-related disaster over the last twelve years was actual

This article was originally published in The Doily Allergen,  October 21, 2021. Bike theft is a scourge in Iowa City, one that leaves bike-owners of all ages living in constant fear that they will be the next in a long line of snipped locks dangling from bike racks. Such a tragedy befell UI sophomore Alec Harrow last week. But while he couldn’t deny his disappointment, he considers himself lucky to have been preyed on by a thief who only took the seat, leaving the rest of his

As the weather in Iowa City turns cold, every pedestrian is faced with an important question: is that guy vaping, or just breathing while it’s cold out? Consider these tips on how to discreetly find the answer. 4. Observe current weather patterns If you’re a coward who can’t handle the mental pressure of talking to a complete stranger, try this approach. Open your phone’s weather app and take note of the temperature. If it’s 35 degrees or lower, your person of interest might

Last week, Iowa City residents were stunned to find that Apartments At Iowa had hiked its standard rent rate to one resident’s organ per month. “After we heard, my roommates and I sat down and had a long conversation,” Derek Plemons said. “We all agreed that if each of us gave up our appendix and one kidney, we’d be able to pay for eight more months of our lease. After that it’s pretty much everyone for themselves. Off the record, I’ve already started planning for then.” Apar

This article was originally published in The Doily Allergen,  April 8, 2021. Less than a week after being freed from its trade-halting position in the Suez Canal, the Ever Given cargo ship was reported yesterday to have gotten stuck in the swimming pool in the Campus Recreation and Wellness Center (CRWC). Campus officials and some of UI’s stronger swimmers have already begun efforts to dislodge the 100,000-ton ship. Officials remain confused as to how the ship became stuck i